No drama, just setting the facts straight

I am setting the facts straight. Six months ago, I broke-up with someone that I have been dating for 2.5 years. He thought it came out of nowhere, but for me it was lingering on for a long time. Long distant relationships have never been my forte. So being me, I know that I was not a great girlfriend. I was not understanding, patient, or loving.

Mainly I was focused on myself because I had too. Nursing school took to much time and all I needed was to be loved. Did he give me love? Yes. Was he good to me? Yes? Did I think about the future? Of course. I always told him that I wanted the simple things in life: a career, great meals (not always expensive), a family and a loving person to be with. But somehow, he convinced me (or I felt) that I would want the expensive things in life because his ex-girlfriend broke-up with him to be with a "simple" someone and she became very unhappy. Afraid to be unhappy, I believed it and I stayed and tried to make it work. Did I give it my all? No. I couldn't.

In the end, living in Corpus Christi changed me. There were no haughty-taughty girls like in Houston, or people to impress, or clubs I had to go too. No one cared how I looked. In fact, I hardly got hit-on! A big No-no in my resume of guys. But that was great for me because I became more humble, and shy. No longer attention-seeking.

 I realized that I did not share the same "wants" as him. And I did not treat him the way he should be treated and for that I am sorry. I am not who your friends thinks I am. I am a young woman trying to understand life. I do not know all the answers and I may act foolishly. I am ten years younger. Hello? Did we forget that?

(I know you're reading this) So this is to you and for closure.

I asked you politely to leave me alone and get out of life. And you do not listen. All the xanga entries of you are on private mode. So stop accusing me of things. I know it's hard, but stop. I've moved on. I have nothing left to give you. Don't contact my friends, they are on my side and sometimes on yours. But they love me.

I wish you every happiness in life. Congrats on your new car, managerial position, etc. I am so proud of you.

Holla

I am a graduate

I finally finally passed the Exist Hesi by 3 points; three points. The first time I nearly missed the passing score by two points. In retrospect and drunkness it feels so good. So good that I do not have to return to Corpus, so could that I do not have to pay money so good that i can finally move on. I have one more test until I become a registered nurse. So good. Soooo good. Soo finally.

In life, i realized that perseverance, deterimination, and a positive attitude will get you far in life. I feel that I never gave-up and feel so blessed that I have come this far.

Holla

Yeah.

School is kicking my ass.

Its a helluva good time.

Just want to crawl into a hole and cry.

Till Spring Break . .

Holla

Uh Ah.

I just started studying for the Exist HESI and I feel stressed. I feel like I lost all this self confidence at the drop of a dime. Uh Ah. Everything is happening so fast and I feel at times so lost. I worry more about how life will be like in the next five months. I suppose this is normal for people like me.I will get it, and I will pass.

Wish me luck! Holla

Learning from your mistakes

I am the type of person who has to hit rock bottom before I learn from my mistakes. I am often hard headed, demanding, and my expectations are beyond the stars. There is always a triggering event where I say to myself, " I do not want to be that person anymore." When I've finally learned my lesson, it's too late. All my failed relationships were not because of them, it was me. I pushed too hard, too long, and did not give them my love.

Why is it so hard to be open to love? To give love? It's easy to receive, but hard to give. I have this fear, that if I open myself to love, I will my independence and myself. I told myself a few weeks ago that I do not want to lve in fear, yet fear is what I live everyday.

Love is a gamble, and I do not like to anti-up. I just need to be open to love and do the right thing, even it is the hardest thing for me to do.

We'll see . .

Holla